Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
