i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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