Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
