dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
