it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
