I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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