Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
