We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
