i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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