whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
