There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
