yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
