we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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