By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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