How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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