im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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