Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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