I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
