I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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