It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
