it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
