you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
