just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
