Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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