So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
