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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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