question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
