Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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