I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
