Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
