I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
