I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
