my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
