clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize