If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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