nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
