I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
