i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
