apparently the secret to your success is patron
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
