You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
