Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
