I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
