okay pat passed out under dana's car
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize