spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
