Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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