yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
