Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
