If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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