It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
