I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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