I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
