cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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