no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
