Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize