Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize