one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
