He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
