why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
