i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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