Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
