My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize