if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
