soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
