obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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