Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
