When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
