apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
