is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize