Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
