just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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