I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
