I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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