And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
