Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
