i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
