please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
