1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
