I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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