trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
