He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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