im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
