dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
